I just don't know what to do with myself. Should I move? Should I go to Singles ward? Does 18 really change much? Should I tell people my feelings or are there much better times for that? Should I be worried? What about? Am I doing the right things? How much do I need to change? How much do I 
need to love myself and love others? How much is too much? Questions out the waaah-zoo.
I really just need to trust the Lord and ask Him the questions that I am thinking of but sometimes I do and then end up listening to other people or having to change plans. I just get confused.
I have been fasting more lately and I have a much stronger testimony of the way it works. I love knowing that I am sacrificing something that is precious for my Heavenly Father and also for the people around me. Prayer is amazing.
Cross country has been wonderful. I feel great. I am much more in shape than ever before. I can push myself to do things that were once seemingly impossible. I can challenge myself. I can do something that is hard. I can be with amazing people who make me smile. :)
School is going slow. Yet, going so quickly. Already it is more than a quarter over for this year, My senior year. I am going to bawl like a baby for weeks after graduation.
My obsession with facebook has come to an all time high. I feel like if I don't get on, I will disappooint someone else. Even though I waste a ton of time on there and most of it really is not that important. I just keep hoping there will be something VERY important when I get on. Just don't know what it is.... *laughter*. I once lived without facebook, I do not see why I could not now.
I am working on being able to call people instead of texting them. It is so hard. I already had this phone-phobia but it just got worse once I started texting. Texting is just sometimes not worth it and rediculous. You should not share deep conversations or feelings over texts. It will ruin things. Face to face is so much better but phone calls are a step towards that. Texting and even email is nothing like that. Why do we (or I) keep doing it? Keep living like this?
I want to be a great photographer but it seems like there are so many great photographers out there and with digital cameras, there are a MILLION pictures everywhere. People get lucky shots all the time. They sometimes just wing it. I feel like sometimes I wing it. I do not like that very much. Yet, I do love to look at photographs. I wish I had photoshop.
I did two very rediculous firsts this Saturday.
1. I ran into a parked vehicle that happens to be my brother's truck. The truck looks fine. My car has quite a dent in the back tail light.
2. Got a written warning for speeding in town. I was crying by the time the officer got to the car but I managed to say that I was doing 'good'. He seriously was thinking that I was going to a party where there would be alcohol. I HATE ALCOHOL AND DRUGS. I know what they do to people. I am not quite that stupid. I felt pretty stupid though, sitting in this large prom dress, in tears, shaking, and I had already crashed my car earlier. I was late to MY party where I was suppose to be to tell people how things were suppose to be and already be there 15 mins ago. It was distresseful.
I spent a whole lot of time and money on my party. It was really great. Truly. Emily has amazing planning skills and she did amazing things! I appreciate her! I felt like she was my mom for a few days with this whole project. :)
I love modesty. Seriously, people look much better with clothes that cover up SKIN. I am a little annoyed with how much of people's bodies I have seen that I would much rather have NOT seen. I should work on that too. I hate when there is a gap between shirt and pants when bending down or what not. All little mishaps that you may or may not notice at first. I appreciate those that cover up more and I am able to concentrate much better on who they are as a person and I actually see the beauty in their faces much better.
I have been writting in my journal now for a few weeks. I really like doing it. I just wish I did not use the same words over and over. I need to find more words for 'grateful' 'thankful' and 'appreciate'. It usually helps me see a little more how God has been working in my life constantly.
I could literally write a book about my life but it would bore people to death. One day I will write a book and publish it though. Maybe just not all about me. :)
need to love myself and love others? How much is too much? Questions out the waaah-zoo.I really just need to trust the Lord and ask Him the questions that I am thinking of but sometimes I do and then end up listening to other people or having to change plans. I just get confused.
I have been fasting more lately and I have a much stronger testimony of the way it works. I love knowing that I am sacrificing something that is precious for my Heavenly Father and also for the people around me. Prayer is amazing.
Cross country has been wonderful. I feel great. I am much more in shape than ever before. I can push myself to do things that were once seemingly impossible. I can challenge myself. I can do something that is hard. I can be with amazing people who make me smile. :)
School is going slow. Yet, going so quickly. Already it is more than a quarter over for this year, My senior year. I am going to bawl like a baby for weeks after graduation.My obsession with facebook has come to an all time high. I feel like if I don't get on, I will disappooint someone else. Even though I waste a ton of time on there and most of it really is not that important. I just keep hoping there will be something VERY important when I get on. Just don't know what it is.... *laughter*. I once lived without facebook, I do not see why I could not now.
I am working on being able to call people instead of texting them. It is so hard. I already had this phone-phobia but it just got worse once I started texting. Texting is just sometimes not worth it and rediculous. You should not share deep conversations or feelings over texts. It will ruin things. Face to face is so much better but phone calls are a step towards that. Texting and even email is nothing like that. Why do we (or I) keep doing it? Keep living like this?
I want to be a great photographer but it seems like there are so many great photographers out there and with digital cameras, there are a MILLION pictures everywhere. People get lucky shots all the time. They sometimes just wing it. I feel like sometimes I wing it. I do not like that very much. Yet, I do love to look at photographs. I wish I had photoshop.
I did two very rediculous firsts this Saturday.1. I ran into a parked vehicle that happens to be my brother's truck. The truck looks fine. My car has quite a dent in the back tail light.
2. Got a written warning for speeding in town. I was crying by the time the officer got to the car but I managed to say that I was doing 'good'. He seriously was thinking that I was going to a party where there would be alcohol. I HATE ALCOHOL AND DRUGS. I know what they do to people. I am not quite that stupid. I felt pretty stupid though, sitting in this large prom dress, in tears, shaking, and I had already crashed my car earlier. I was late to MY party where I was suppose to be to tell people how things were suppose to be and already be there 15 mins ago. It was distresseful.
I spent a whole lot of time and money on my party. It was really great. Truly. Emily has amazing planning skills and she did amazing things! I appreciate her! I felt like she was my mom for a few days with this whole project. :)
I love modesty. Seriously, people look much better with clothes that cover up SKIN. I am a little annoyed with how much of people's bodies I have seen that I would much rather have NOT seen. I should work on that too. I hate when there is a gap between shirt and pants when bending down or what not. All little mishaps that you may or may not notice at first. I appreciate those that cover up more and I am able to concentrate much better on who they are as a person and I actually see the beauty in their faces much better.
I have been writting in my journal now for a few weeks. I really like doing it. I just wish I did not use the same words over and over. I need to find more words for 'grateful' 'thankful' and 'appreciate'. It usually helps me see a little more how God has been working in my life constantly.
I could literally write a book about my life but it would bore people to death. One day I will write a book and publish it though. Maybe just not all about me. :)
