Little Toy Cars&The People Who Drive Them

Red cars have seemingly become something of a reminder of heartache....mistrust.
When I glimpse a red car, my heart sinks to the bottom of my chest and I feel myself take a sharp breath.
It does not make sense because the person does not even drive one, anymore. I know that. Still, it is a simple crude reminder.

When people compliment me, [as of lately], I just feel like everyone is being fake. Like maybe if they say that, I will like them more...or be more of their friend...or just because they want to seem perky so they find something to compliment about everyone. I feel like a downer but for some reason it just feels like that. I try to be sincere when I compliment people but I almost feel a fake face go on as soon as I start, even though that compliment was my exact thoughts.

I guess you can say, I've become an anti-people person. Which stinks because I really do not want that at all. After 7th grade homeschooling, I became much more social and went out of my way to talk to people but I have reverted or even gotten worse than before. It is not a shy thing, it is just a not liking people and especially new people that I do not know or really being scared at all to talk to them -which I'm sure is kinda shyness quality-. I judge harshly and get annoyed too easily. I feel like I am even letting myself down and not wanting to be around myself. I am really annoying.

Someone said that reading my blog was like reading a girl's journal. That is probably true, especially with these kind of posts.

What a lazy day for me...

Sister's Blog

Nate, Kaisha, Madason, Tyson and Quinton: Update on Twins/Life!

= ) My sister is great!! ♥

I think I will....

....Blame all my problems on bad PMS...or the weatherman...or possibly some long lost relative. = )

It has been a while and I have not really done many of the chain links lately. That is something I have been slacking on. My senior year is turning out differently than expected but it's not all bad.

I would really like to get a white board or possibly a chalk board for my room to keep myself organized. It helps to keep things written down and in plain sight. I love having my calendar on my phone because I can put reminders for everything and keep myself on-track. The only thing is that: I am still late to everything. I have a hard time because I very much dislike being early but I feel bad when I am late (for good reason). Even when I live about 2 or 3 blocks from the school, I cannot help but lax and end up being late anyway. That one I can also say- I dislike mornings so the longer I can sleep, the better hmm?

I love my room and living with my sister. It is starting, very slowly, to seem a little more like home instead of just staying with relatives. I felt my sister's babies in her tummy the other day. Such a strange feeling. . . There are really BABIES in there!! Freaks me out just a little but amazes me beyond all belief. Reminds me there there is still a Great God of wonders and miracles!!

With me, everything is a little different. After feeling the babies, I had a weirdo dream about my sister and her babies. I am such a strange child. Child because I sure do not feel like growing up. I thought I was... until I got closer and realized {I am scared and not very prepared}. I guess I will just have to have faith that everything will be taken care of!! <3

I love my FamILY. I love snacks. I love God.

---"In thee, O Lord, do I put my trust; let me never be ashamed: deliver me in they righteousness." Psalms 31:1

"I will be glad and rejoice in thy mercy: for thou has considered my trouble; thou has known my soul in adversities."   verse 7---